Once the celebrations start to die down after the Amlin Challenge Cup Final, Cardiff has to start bracing itself for The Big One as Leinster and Northampton Saints go head to head at the Millennium Stadium for the Heineken Cup, which basically means they win Europe. All of it. Even Belgium.
After the disappointment suffered at Welford Road in their Aviva Premiership Semi Final, Northampton Saints will be coming into this game with their honour on the line. As with Stade Francais on Friday, the Saints have a tendency to come into their own when there is a whiff of that test match atmosphere in the air as it will be here, and with a wound to nurse, they’re going to be on the attack.
Leinster have a massive fortnight coming up, not only have they made it to this final, but the following week they meet arch-rivals Munster to compete for the Magners League trophy. As such Leinster have gone into this game as such hot favourites that one bookmaker has apparently already started paying out on bets made for Leinster to win earlier in the competition (though that bookmaker is, ahem, a bit Irish). However, with the world seemingly at their feet, and with some players who are moving on almost expecting to go out in a high, we could see a Leinster that are so cock sure as to underestimate the opposition.
What will be interesting, is if this takes on an air of the grudge match, with some of England’s Six Nations orchestrators coming face to face with some of the Irishmen who broke their Grand Slam dream back in March. The interesting battles on the field will largely be based in the backs section, especially with golden boy Ash the Splash (who is possibly still concussed from Manugate) having the ‘talismanic’ (yawn) BOD (who may or may not still be nursing a niggle) to contend with mid field. Although there is also the prospect of Courtney Lawes taking on Scot-Aussie Nathan Hines in the second row to keep pack animals entertained.
Our gut says Leinster will probably lift the trophy for the second time in three years, but our head knows you should never underestimate the Saints…
One to Watch: Chris Ashton. Well, you never quite know when he’s going to let out a bit of genius, do you?
One to perv on during Stoppage time: Nathan Hines. Last chance to take in his form on British soil before he joins the exodous to France…
It’s all been a bit serious around here lately, what with all the predictions, analysis and an actual, legitimate interview. Time, we’re sure you’ll agree, to lower the tone. Yes, the pundit hats are being hung up for a short while as we shamelessly celebrate the fine forms, good looks and down right rawr of our favourite Six Nations boys. Alongside an anonymous panel of Manpilers, we have made our selections. This isn’t about fairly representing each squad, nor who has the best chance of taking home the silverware. This, our dear readers, is our Scrummy XV.
Loosehead Prop “There is no such thing as a hot loosehead prop,” came the bold claim from one panel member. Before anyone jumped up to counter this argument, the majority realised that they agreed. Several minutes of head scratching later, a lone voice with a serious weakness for front row forwards took a stand and nominated Cian Healy with the proviso it’s “without the shaved head and gypsy mo”. As no one else had a preference, our loosehead was named. A last minute shout out goes to Alex Corbiserio, who’s Italian heritage put him at a definite advantage in what was always in danger of becoming a distinctly continental line up…
Cian Healy: defying all odds
Hooker
Again, our unofficial doyenne of the front row was adamant that there was only one man for the job and that man was Dylan Hartley. Needless to say, said doyenne is in no way affiliated with Warren Gatland. Few will be surprised to hear that the rest of the judges weren’t so easily convinced and The World’s Prettiest Hooker, Dimitri Szarzewski was swiftly selected after a majority vote. Because he’s worth it.
Show us you swish: Dimitri Szarzewski
Tighthead Prop
Things got a little easier here as several votes went one way. Sure, we were anxious to get to the squabbling over all those pretty backs, but one voter’s weakness for a certain type of man coupled with another’s claim that “Every team needs at least one cave man” meant that, regardless of the first shout out for Wales with Ryan Bevington, this had to go to Martin Castrogiovanni. Wild hair, wild beard; Castro is classic prop.
Mad props: Martin Castrogiovanni
Locks
Ah, locks. The Achilles Heel of three quarters of the Manpilez ladies. We knew there was a risk of all out war with this, so thank goodness there were some definite preferences across the board. Our second Irish boy was brought on board at 4 with the inclusion of prankster extraordinaire, our very own Duck Wrangler, Mr Donncha O’Callaghan. The thighs, the eyes, the mischevious grin; we just can’t resist that Donners charm.
Don't mention little red pants: Donncha O'Callaghan
The startling inevitability of our number 5 meant that his name was already bolded on the original list of suggestions that circulated. It seems only right that the first of our Welsh boys should be one whose gwlads are always just those few decibels louder, whose pride is just that little bit more fierce and whose pretty blonde curls make all the girlies swoon. Yeah, you know it. We’re all a-flutter for Alun Wyn Jones. Locky love also went out to our favourite giants Simon Shaw, Richie Gray, Nathan Hines and Jerome Thion. Difficult choices!
Scrumming 9 to 5: Alun Wyn Jones
Flankers
After the locks, it’s the lovely fierce flankers that we turn to and where the props left us struggling, we were spoiled for choice here. Because we are very dedicated to our perving, some (flimsy) ground rules were put in place which meant that nominations for injured players were null and void. Thus, the very topical Tom Croft didn’t win a place in our XV. Rather it was a pair of Killer Bs, Johnnie Beattie and John Barclay, who beat off the competition in the shape of Alessandro Zanni, Tom Wood and David Wallace to join our back row.
Johnnie Beattie: not affiliated with the Wu Tang Clan...
... although John Barclay has a side project with Raekwon The Chef
Number Eight
Another controversial position, this became a clear Wales v Italy showdown. No amount of insistence and pouting could put Ryan Jones at Eight, however. This one was crafted for the returning wonder that is Sergio Parisse. Hair loss be damned, The Big Man still cuts a fine figure on and off the pitch and the weeping during the anthem is the kind of thing that turns a girl weak at the knees. It’s not just us ladies, either – did you see the BBC’s ode prior to the Italy v Ireland game? It seems no one can resist a bit of a Sergio swoon.
Sergio Parisse: enjoying the novelty of clothes
Half Backs
It’s tempting, when asked to compile the ultimate hot squad, to simply respond with “France”. However, Chabal may not be to everyone’s taste (you fools) and we already have our cave man. Regardless, there were just too many delicious Bleus to not let the bias shine through at some point. To that end, there was a unanimous demand for the pretty, pocket sized powerhouse that is Morgan Parra to take the glamour role of scrum half. The logical conclusion was to appoint the stunning Francois Trinh-Duc as his partner, just the way the gods of the stadium intended.
Straight out of the pages of Vogue Homme: Morgan Parra
You'd applaud yourself if you were this hot: Francois Trinh Duc
Left Wing
And if we’re not talking France, let’s talk Italy. There is a Manpilez lady to staunchly defend both teams, but the Italian camp didn’t have to try too hard to ensure this went to Mirco Bergamasco. Representing both brothers this year, Bergamasco the Younger may have toned down the peroxide and gone all manly with a beard, but he is by no means less gorgeous. Countless comparisons to classical Italian sculpture aside, there’s no doubt that the crestfallen Mirco we’ve seen over the past couple of weeks has pulled at the heartstrings. Come here, Mimi. We’ll give you a hug.
Sassy captions don't apply to this vision. It's Mirco Bergamasco, bitches.
Centres
After all that ooh la la and ciao, bello, the Celts fought back with full force to claim their places at 12 and 13. This is where it got pernickety, with literally less than tens of emails being fired back and forth to the effect of “But x is technically a wing,” and “Yes, but y is being played at centre” and “Ooh, z! Did you see that one photo where…”
Feet were put down and eventually, two were named. First up, our favourite Big Doc, Jamie Roberts. No one seemed to really be able to place what it is about Jamie that gets the eyebrow arching in approval. It might be the general massiveness of him, or that endearingly soft voice. Whatever it is, he wears that jaw well.
Jamie Roberts: we love him for more than his Brains. Heh.
There are some that might argue that there’s only one number 13 and those people will probably be wearing green. As it is, the allure of Brian O’Driscoll transcended nationality and with his dual weapons of handsomeness and heroics, there was no way he wasn’t making the final cut.
On the bench: Gonzalo Canale and Gordon D’arcy.
At last, an excuse to use the "Sex BOD" pun: Brian O'Driscoll
Right Wing
Much like his counterpart on the left wing, this boy is one half of a pair of beautiful brothers with a penchant for getting their kit off in a series of increasingly jaw droppingly suggestive photographs. If you haven’t guessed it by now, you haven’t been paying nearly enough attention to your lessons at Uncle Gigi’s School of Rugby Filth. It’s Max Evans. Google “Dieux du Stade 2010” but, for the love of God, don’t hold us responsible for the results. The acronym “NSFW” was probably invented for Max and his brother Thom.
It's the innocent looking ones you have to watch: Max Evans
Full Back
This one was the wild card, with no clear front runner to begin with. It’s only in hindsight that the similarities between the three shortlisted players becomes apparent…
Beardy brunette #1: Clement Poitrenaud
Beardy brunette #2: Ben Foden
Beardy brunette #3: Luke McLean
It was ultimately the refusal of one panel member to make any choices beyond fly half (“I don’t do backs”), that meant Luke McLean was the victor. Yet again, those Italian genes have given an undeniable edge and coupled with that lazy Aussie grin, Luke is a delicious combination of cute and fierce, even when he is the beardiest of the brunettes with his Grizzly Adams look. We’ll be sure to supply plenty of razors with that Scrummy XV shirt.
With that much hard work choosing from just six squads, we’d better start shortlisting for the World Cup Scrummy XV now…
Before we announce the long awaited results of the inaugural Manpilez Awards, we’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who sent in nominations, promoted us and, most importantly, to those who voted! The response to our humble little blog continues to amaze us; the day the polls opened was our busiest ever and over the week that followed, over 1500 of you put your mouses where your mouths are and cast your votes.
The polls have been pretty telling – it’s safe to say that a fair few of you share our appreciation of fine looking forwards and beautiful backs given the big response to what we dubbed The Hormonal awards and we also realised that out attempts to curtail our Welsh Bias were either a) failing or b) unnecessary as the votes seemed to stack up highest the further down the M4 the nominees were from!
And now, without further ado, we’re pleased to announce your winners!
Represent! The good, the bad and the downright regrettable marketing and PR moments of 2010…
– The “Where’s Mine?!” Award for Best Kit and The “You Want Me To Wear What?!” Award for Worst Kit
However much you love your team, the chances are they’ve had at least one kit which you haven’t been keen on. What they’re wearing dictates what you’ll be wearing on your weekends for the better part of a year, so whose was the most desirable strip in 2010 and whose left you running in fear to the nearest GAP, desperate to purchase the blandest, least offensive garment you could find?
Secretly fearing the worst after a glimpse of the training kit (it was a bit… busy); it was love at first sight for Lauren and Anna, two self-confessed purple addicts, when the new Ospreys kit was unveiled. We’re very happy that you agreed with us and voted in droves for the indigo chevron look! In an awesome exercise of neutrality, you lovely people voted the Barbarians kit your runner-up.
Captain Alun Wyn Jones shows off the winning kit in fine style
Your least favourite, by a long shot, was the new Wales kit, which is saying a lot in a year when Stade Francais offered up this eyesore: Incidentally, Gigi’s garm placed second, but it was the newly Admiral sponsored Welsh national kit that turned up your noses, with cries of “It looks like a football kit!” and “Bring back the Brains!”
The real opinion splitter of this year’s looks was the England Anthracite Grey strip, which attracted exactly the same amount of votes in each category. Love it or hate it, the attempted justification from Nike that it’s “the colour of the thorn of the English rose” remains highly dubious.
– The What The Shit Is This? Award for Daftest Piece of Merchandise
After Anna’s piece in the autumn highlighting the various and delightful pieces of tat club shops across the nations are touting, we asked you which ones you couldn’t quite believe you’d coughed up cold hard cash for. It was a close call, but eventually, you decided that Mugs bearing the face of Emyvale’s favourite son, Tommy Bowe, were the most regrettable, no matter how much it warms your hearts to see him go over the whitewash, he shouldn’t be keeping your PG tips warm when you get home. Noteable mentions also go to Ospreys Dummies, Scarlets curtains and plastic ducks of every nation.
– The Barry Scott Award for Most Hilarious Advert, Promo Moment or Photo Shoot
Every year, our pitchside heroes sell tiny bits of their souls in the search for their retirement funds. Sometimes, it’s a clear and logical part of the job; for example Lee Byrne and Shane Williams advertising fitness suppliments or James Haskell promoting… himself. But occasionally, a team or player does something so bizarre that it doen’t matter what the product, charity or competition is, you’ll never be able to take it seriously again. Surprisingly enough, this category was won outright by Gavin Henson. You see, we had so many nominations for daft publicity stunts from His Satsumaness that we had to consolidate him into one easy to handle nomination, which he stormed with nearly 50% of the vote. Even in the face of Bath getting their teddy bears out for no descernible cause. Oh dear.
– The It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time Award
This one should surely have belonged to Joel Monaghan and his shamed canine counterpart, yet even ill advised bestial photography wasn’t enough to make you forget the WRU’s ever-so-sensitive placing of a giant Gavin Henson on the side of the Millennium Stadium to coincide with the launch of the award winningly bad new Wales kit.
Never one to be outdone, big Gav’s turn on the dance floor also had you clapping your palms to your faces as it proved to be more toe-curling than toe-tapping.
The Breakdown… because the nice thighs are an added bonus, not the reason we’re here…
– The I Gotta Feeling Award for Best Game
You’re not a true rugby fan until you’ve travelled half the country chasing your team’s dream only to spend 2 hours in a cold stadium having your heart broken one pass at a time. Sometimes it’s hard to remember why we’re doing it, and then something happens, some master stroke, a magic moment that switches a game from depression to ecstasy, a build of energy that leaves you hardly able to stay in your seat from one minute to the next, where the whole crowd come together so you’re lifted so high you’ll be bouncing on air for a week. 2010 was, thankfully, a year of moments like that for many teams, from New Zealand’s efforts in the tri nations to The Magners League Final that nearly wouldn’t quit but one game stood out above all others to anyone in the northern hemisphere.
The scene:Millenium Stadium, Cardiff, Scotland were on fire and the men in Red had been fighting a losing battle… until Shane Williams made a break for the line with just 7 minutes to go. Nobody quite knew why, but from that moment on, we all believed Wales could come from behind, no matter how impossible it looked on the board. Moments later Leigh Halfpenny managed to make it over the ine after a failed attempt from Batman Roberts and before we knew it 14-24 had become a staggering 31-24. My heart is still pounding almost a year later and even the neutrals out there were glued to the scenes like Wales were playing for their own survival. For 10 minutes one cold and rainy afternoon in February 2010, Everyone that wasn’t Scottish was Welsh.
– The Don’t Call It a Comeback Award for Best Return
Sadly, Rugby is the kind of sport where nobody is immune from the twisted fate of injury or the ringing sound of a wrapped knuckle. Last year was no exception but your winner was not a victim of injury or the IRB citing committee, but of the mother of all hangovers. As was well covered by the Pre-manpilez press at the time, one member of the Wales squad chose to celebrate a little too much after the aforementioned dramatic scenes against Scotland. In a golf buggy. On the M4.
After that, Mr Gatland banished Andy Powell from the squad, but while some thought his Wales Career was over, he kept chipping away behind the scenes both for Cardiff Blues and Wasps and come the Autumn Internationals he was back. And not only was he back, he was better than ever before, proving to all doubters why he deserved to represent his country again.
Well done, Gorby, you won your place in the squad and in the hearts of the Manpilez readers.
Honourable mentions must also go to Irish Ledge-Bag Paul O’Connell who had a frustrating period of staring angrily as Munster misbehaved in his absence before coming back to whip them into shape and Mefin Davies who came back to his Ospreylian Roots after a spell in Leicester of all places.
– The Workhorse Award for Best All Round Performance
Based on our search stats, we knew Tom Croft would end up winning Something, but to be honest, we thought it’d a) be in the more hormonal categories and b) nowhere near as close as this. Thankfully, you lovely lot have proved that while you keep finding us looking for young Mr Croft in various states of undress, the real reason you admire him so is for his grafting on the field. Whether he’s stealing line out ball, driving scrums or making like a winger, you can always count on Crofty to put in the work.
However, just three votes separated Tom from our two runners up, Mr Richie McCaw is a controversial character, but nobody can deny he shows up and puts the work in, usually even when he should probably be in the bin. However, in the case of our second Runner up Ryan Jones, many have tried to deny his quality over the last 18 months, which the Newport lad has countered by putting in some absolutely belting performances for region and country, and generally proving himself to be a bit of a ledge.
– The Jiffy Screaming “Don’t Panic!” Award for Most Heartstopping Moment
We can’t say we’re surprised at the winner of this one, those last 10 minutes of the Wales v Scotland game which you voted your match of the year, and frankly it wasn’t even close. We’ve already waxed poetical about the ins and outs of the incident in question, but nothing quite sums it up as well as seeing it. So here’s a Youtube clip.
– The Chris Ashton Award for Best Try
Anna suggested the title of this award as a joke as there seemed to be little doubt that Ashy‘s jaw dropping try in October’s England v Australia game would sweep the board. Needless to say, you were all as impressed as us and no doubt held onto the memory with the aid of Lauren’s MS Paint skills. Our Welsh readers left only a slim margin between Ashton and the irrepressible Shane Williams, however, with his little gem against Scotland in the Six Nations coming a close second and also showed support for George North with his international debut coming in third.
– The Ledge-Bag Award for All-Round Hero
Let’s face it as soon as BOD was nominated in this category, we should have known what was going to happen. Half of Ireland want to be him or worship at his church when he’s wearing green and the other half are busy pretending to hate him while he’s donning the blue of Leinster. A legend on the field and a philosopher off it, It was always going to be Brian O’Driscoll.
That didn’t however, mean he didn’t have some serious competition in the form of the amost Jack Russell-like Welsh winger Shane Williams. Even Scarlet’s supporters can’t begrudge Shane a try, as when he’s on form (which is nearly always), the tries don’t just come, but they come bang on time and out of seemingly nothing. We love Shane, you love Shane, and we’re all glad he’s back in time to tear up the Six Nations.
The Hormonal Section… because the nice thighs really are an awesome added bonus…
– The Dropped Handkerchief Award for Most Swoon Worthy Player:
There’s was never really much doubt in our minds over which way this one would swing as soon as the nominations came in. Since our launch, one man has brought more people to our blog than any other (although Tom Croft is a strong contender!) That man is your Most Swoon Worthy Player, Tommy Bowe. Maybe it’s the smooth Irish tones, the butter-wouldn’t-melt smile or even the ability to save potentially disastrous dinners with impressive chocolate fondant, but whatever he’s doing, Tommy’s status as Manpilez Poster Boy #1 is now officially secured! Your runner-up was the equally lovely Olly Barkley, whose erudite wit and Twitter babysitting banter has been setting a fair few hearts a-flutter.
Your most lusted after player, Sir Thomas of Bowe
– The Sorry I Forgot What You Look Like Fully Clothed Award for Hottest Photo
To be perfectly honest, we were a little surprised at the winner of this one. Based on comments we received through the three channels our site stats and our general demeanour, we assumed Danny Care’s fans were going elsewhere for their kicks. We were wrong, and of all the beautiful slices of naked manflesh on offer from the Dieux Du Stade to the Matt Hampson offering, Danny Care’s stint of near obscenity in the Rugby’s Finest Calendar won the lion’s share of your votes. Once again, however you lovely lot proved you’re all about style over filth and your runner up was the really rather overdressed Olly Barkley in this year’s Bath Rugby Calendar. Lush.
Your winning image
– The Oh Daddy Award for Hottest New Father
Your run away winner was Ryan Jones, who left the other daddies trailing in the dust. In a year which has seen our RyJo scapegoated and snubbed, he managed to maintain his awesomeness and dignity while also becoming a father and sporting a dashing silver streak in his hair. Like you, we love him.
If there's two things we like here at Manpilez HQ, Ryan Jones and Tea would be high on the list...
Let’s hear it for the boys… because it wouldn’t be the same without the banter and bromance…
– The #FF Award for Best Tweeter
Much like the Most Swoon Worthy category, we had an idea of who might storm this one, as there is one man who has done more for Twitter than the likes of Stephen Fry and Ashton Kutcher could ever dream of. That man is Cai Griffiths. We here at Manpilez feel Twitter ought to pay Cai commission for every new person he gets to sign up and double it if they’re an Osprey. Generous with his replies, liberal with his hash tags and always drifting somewhere between obscure and hilarious, Cai had won this award before we even thought it up.
While you lot were voting this man your King of the Twits, Tommy Bowe was posting this picture all over Twitter (Thanks Tom!)
Which leads us nicely into our next category, where you have chosen Cai Griffiths and Edd Shervington as your winner of the I Got Your Back, Bro Award for Best Partnership. Once side by side as front row forwards at Ospreys, they are now separated by club but are held together by a bond of kettle bells, chicken wings and unflattering Twitpics. Far less off the wall and far more genteel is the epic bromance between your runners-up Tom Croft and Ben Youngs, who have warmed hearts with their tales of shared pets and bad cooking.
– The Clean Off Guy Award for Most Entertaining Player
Most discerning Rugby leaning folk will tell you that a large part of the deal with the oval balled game is the banter. In fact, some rugby folk are so obsessed with banter they go feral if left alone for too long. To that end, every team has a member whose value to the squad isn’t confined to their skills on the field and it’s those who we’ve come to celebrate with this award.
As you can expect, with so many characters around it was a very close call with just one vote separating our winner, Ian ‘Ianto’ Evans of the Ospreys and David ‘Flats’ Flatman of Bath. Both boys seem to have had more than their fair share of injury of late but both have put it to good use in entertaining the nation, Flats with his columns in the Independent, and Ianto with his legendary Yaks. We Salute you both, boys!
A massive congratulations to all our winners and a huge thanks to you for all your votes and nominations. See you next year!
Words by Lauren and Anna, Pictures from all over the shop
Now we’re successfully through ‘black weekend’ where all the world goes out to get their pre-christmas boogy on, our thoughts have once again turned to how well our boys turn out…
Alun Wyn gets his 'fashionably late' on
a whole pride of whistle-wearing lions
Alun Wyn's tour of all the cool parties continues. Luke Charteris is unamused by his flagrant gatecrashing.
You ain't seen this.... right?
and at the end of the night… some joker always decides Karaoke is a good idea…
The Morning After: Ah. Alun... you've got a bit of...oh, never mind... good night was it? <snigger>
In the second of our captainly rawr data’s we look at Ireland Captain Brian O’Driscoll. For a really long time. Staring may be a more appropriate word…
Brian O’Driscoll
Brian Gerald ‘Drico’ O’Driscoll (or as wikipedia would have us believe Briain Gearóid Ó hEidirsceoil) is 31, 5’9″, and 15 stone. He plays at outside centre, aka unlucky number 13.
Of the three national captains we’ve covered so far, BOD is probably the one blessed with the most success over the last few years. After a start in Gaelic Football, he began his illustrious rugby career playing for Ireland’s U-19 side, alongside Donncha O’Callaghan and Paddy Wallace while he was working on his degree in Sports Management. He went on to become the highest try scorer in the history of Irish rugby and has captained Leinster, Ireland and The Lions.
2009 was a massive year for BOD, in the spring he lead Ireland in an absolutely stellar Grand Slam in the six nations, and had to delay his arrival in South Africa after having been selected for a third time, because Leinster were busy winning the Heineken Cup. It got to a point where he gained near-godlike status in Ireland.
Sadly, his luck ran out on the Lions tour when he had to take an early flight after sustaining a head injury in the fraught second test, something which stung all the more we’re sure after his playing role on the sadly disastrous 2005 tour of New Zealand ended prematurely after he was injured in the opening minutes of the first test.
Thankfully, injury doesn’t harm quality and Drico is no stranger to recognition and has been nominated for IRB player of the year no less than three times and we can’t wait to see what the future holds for one of the most electric players in world rugby.
Some random Drico facts: His drink of choice is coke, he is not religious, but he is a chocoholic:
“I need a hit of chocolate a day. I’m all about poor quality milk chocolate. That’s where I’m at. Mind you, you could throw in a Toblerone and I wouldn’t argue with you.”
Drico’s philosophical musing on England manager (and former Lions teammate) Martin Johnson:
“’Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.”
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