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Newspilez March 12th 2011 Part Two: Blahdy Hell… March 13, 2011

The penultimate Saturday of the Six Nations is usually an exciting affair as teams make their last gasp attempts to push themselves up the table before it’s too late and Grand Slam dreams are dashed or fueled. This week, with only two of the three matches played, it’s already been a HUM-DINGER.

I’m not going to lie to you, this humble manpiler tuned into Italy v France this afternoon expecting France to walk away with the Garibaldi cup with nary a bat of an eyelid but what actually happened was a lot more like this:

 

Picture from Zimbio

Azzurri: Fuck YEAH!

It wasn’t pretty (well not play-wise..), but the Azzuri finally broke through and did what we all thought was impossible, they beat their nearest neighbours, neighbours who still hold the Six Nations Trophy. After 50 minutes of play that could only be described as ‘scrappy’ from both sides, with an early and clinical try from Vincent Clerc and two failed kicks from Mirco Bergamasco that left nobody in any doubt that France could have Italy for breakfast, something amazing happened.

Quite apart from Mirco Bergamasco’s boot chipping away at les bleus lead, Andrea Masi went over the whitewash for an amazing try that ate into France’s 18-6 lead and left everyone but the Azzuri doubting themselves. Italy became ferocious, defending like their lives depended on it and forcing errors all over the shop until, with a heart stopping three minutes left on the clock, Mirco’s boot once again found its way to another three points which took them ahead of France in Rome for the first time in the Six Nations.

What followed was the most tense and breathtaking three minutes of the tournament so far, with everyone who wasn’t French desperately willing Italy to close it down. A few failed scrums later and the whistle sealed France’s fate, etching Italy’s name onto the Garibaldi prize and making sure there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

It’s been a long wait for Italy to get this but the way they played today and against Ireland at the beginning of the tournament suggests it won’t be long till wins like this are no longer such a shock.

Manpilez Man of the Match: Mirco Bergamasco, for rising to such intense pressure

Meanwhile, in Cardiff, Wales v Ireland was also going off big time. The most evenly matched  game of the weekend started off a little bit… meh, if we’re honest. Despite a lightening opening salvo with an injury and a try within the first five minutes,  the first half saw neither side capitalising on their opportunities and in the case of  Wales, kicking away possession with alarming regularity.

Ireland’s indicipline was also a big feature of the first half, which though not penalised as much as they probably should have been, was responsible for all of Wales’ points in the first half.

The second half however, opened a can of worms the size of the Millennium Stadium’s over-discussed roof.  After a kick to touch, a mix up around a quickly taken throw-in lead to Mike Phillips’ resulting try being questioned far and wide and was the kind of wrong-balls-up that people are not going to forget in a hurry to the point where Rule 19.2(b) was nearly crowned Man of the match.  The initial kick to touch landed in the crowd, the ball boy handed Matthew Rees the ball, which he quickly fed to Phillips who made a run for the line. The second the Irish boys stopped chasing him they, realised what had happened: to take a thrown in quickly the ball must a) be the same ball that went out and b)must not have been touched by anyone but whoever sent it into touch. As the ball was caught by a spectator and the ball boy had changed the ball neither was the case and a full line out would have been needed. Neither the touch ref or the ref picked up on this and so the try stood, legal or no the ref’s decision was final.

Whether this would have ultimately prevented a try from Phillips when he was clearly on a mission to have his 50th cap a try-scoring one we will never know, but we do know that Wales’ eventual victory by 6 of the resulting 7 points means that the Irish are not going to forget it in a hurry.

The rest of the game was understandably fierce as Ireland tried to answer those points but Wales’ return to the blitz defence, predictable or not, put paid to all attempts and as the clock went red and Wales turned over an Irish ball heading dangerously close to the tryline, it was left to Shane Williams only to hoof the ball out of the park to close out at 19-13 and end Wales’ home victory drought while we all allowed ourselves to breathe again.

Manpilez Man of the Match: we’re going to agree with the beeb here and go for James Hook, who other than hitting the woodwork early on, is proving his mettle at 10 in fine style.

Both games are the kind that will keep us talking for weeks to come, which pleased BBC viewers as it actually shut John Inverdale up about England for a full five minutes.

Tomorrow will see England and Scotland battle it out for the Calcutta cup and we can only hope for the same level of drama…

Words by Lauren

 

 

Six Nations Countdown part 3: The Manpilez Songbook February 2, 2011

When the day finally arrives you might have lucky pants, your nation’s kit or simply a colour based homage, but outfit is key: you want to be comfortable, you may be getting in and out of your chair rather a lot with luck and you don’t want to be having to rearrange your look every time a point is scored.

Now, one of the most important things you’re going to need, whether in the stadium, the pub or your living room is your voice. Before the games start, you might want to try out some of these voice exercises to limber up.

Next, you need to know the tunes. We’re not all trained sopranos, and not all tenors know the descants but as long as you know the basic tune you can hum along even if you don’t know the words. Here’s each nation broken down into song:

Wales

The Welsh pretty much have the monopoly on the singing, with a repertoire spanning generations and only a few which are abusive or morbid. Here are the main ones to look out for.

One of the least bloody and random of the anthems, Land of my Fathers is all about the ‘Hiraeth’, feeling the pull of your land no matter how far over seas you may be. Though you get the odd mumbler (Gav), one man has become so famous for his almost fevered singing during the anthem moment that the cameramen pan around him so they can pull him out at just the right moment. See if you can guess who we mean…

Here’s those words for you as it’s sung for Rugby:

How It’s Sung What they’re on about
Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi,
Gwlad beirdd a chantorion, enwogion o fri;
Ei gwrol ryfelwyr, gwladgarwyr tra mâd,
Dros ryddid collasant eu gwaed.Gwlad, gwlad, pleidiol wyf i’m gwlad. Tra môr yn fur i’r bur hoff bau,

O bydded i’r hen iaith barhau. (Repeat)

The old land of my fathers is dear to me,
Land of poets and singers, famous men of renown;
Her brave warriors, very splendid patriots,
For freedom shed their blood.Land, land, I am faithful to my land. While the sea; a wall to the pure, most loved land,

O may the old language endure. (repeat)

Of course it’s not all faith to one’s land and the enduring power of language and poetry at Wales matches, sometimes it’s about adultery and chest wigs  (Delilah)  Cookery and Cat death (Sosban Fach), having a pure heart  (Calon Lan) or a salubrious trip to Twickenham (Hymns and Arias). There is one song, however, above all others, that seems to increase in volume the more tense the atmosphere gets and that is good old Cwm Rhondda, aka Bread of Heaven. It goes like this:

Guide me through oh great Jehovah
Pilgrim through this barren land
I am weak, but though art mighty
Hold me with thy powerful hand
Bread of heaven
Bread of heaven
Feed me till I want no more
Feed me till I want no more

There are a few more verses, but those are for the pub afterwards…

England

For some reason, England sing about queen rather than country in one of the dreariest anthems known to mankind (and we’re 50% English, so we can say that…). If you want to be patriotic while having a nap, here’s a clip of the men in white singing God Save The Queen last year:

If you don’t already know it goes like this:

God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen

Don’t sing this one or Eddie Izzard’s version, for that matter, or you’ll get kicked out of Twickers. You have been warned.

However, once the anthems are over, there are still plenty of decent tunes to get behind, from the really rather deluded Jerusalem to the bombastic pomp and patriotism of Land of Hope and Glory but the melody that will turn fortress Twickenham from a big lump of concrete to a place where special things happen is not a song of patriotism, but, bizarrely, a slave spiritual. It does sound lovely though, so here’s how to sing it:

Swing low, Sweet Chariot,
Coming for to carry me home
Swing low, Sweet Chariot
Coming for to carry me home

As with most of the songs here, it does go on a bit more, but nobody can be bothered with the rest when there’s too much going on before them and a bar full of IPA to put a dent into.

Ireland

There’s many traits people associate with the Irish but greed isn’t usually one of them. When it comes to anthems, however, they gorge and gorge till even the team look visibly fed up. However, the unity (or rather lack of) of Northern and Southern Ireland in the team does necessitate a multi anthem performance as you can see here

We’re just waiting for them to wake up and realise a mashup is the way to go. Until then, here’s the words to both the IRFU commissioned Ireland’s Call, and the traditional Soldier’s Song to be getting on with.

Ireland’s Call

Come the day and come the hour
Come the power and the glory
We have come to answer
Our Country’s call
From the four proud provinces of Ireland

Ireland, Ireland
Together standing tall
Shoulder to shoulder
We’ll answer Ireland’s call

The Soldier’s Song

How It’s Sung What they’re on about
Amhrán na bhFiann   Sinne Fianna Fáil,
atá faoi gheall ag Éirinn,
Buíon dár slua
thar toinn do ráinig chughainn,
Faoi mhóid bheith saor
Seantír ár sinsear feasta,
Ní fhágfar faoin tíorán ná faoin tráill.
Anocht a théam sa bhearna baoil,
Le gean ar Ghaeil, chun báis nó saoil,
Le gunna scréach faoi lámhach na bpiléar,
Seo libh canaig amhrán na bhFiann
The Soldier’s Song Soldiers are we,
whose lives are pledged to Ireland,
Some have come
from a land beyond the wave,
Sworn to be free,
no more our ancient sireland,
Shall shelter the despot or the slave.
Tonight we man the “bearna baoil”
In Erin’s cause, come woe or weal,
’Mid cannon’s roar and rifles’ peal,
We’ll chant a soldier’s song

Once the choir have gone to their seats, there are a number of melodies that ring down Landsdowne Road, most people will proudly sing Fields of Athenry, and they have joint custody of Danny Boy with Scotland but our favourite is Molly Malone. Alive, Alive-o indeed.

Scotland

Sadly, though their try celebrations may try to hint, Scotland have yet to adopt The Proclaimers’ 1000 Miles as their national song. Instead they sing proudly of their horticulture with Flower of Scotland

Here’s How it goes:

O flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again
That fought and died for
Your wee bit hill and glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward’s army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again
The hills are bare now
And autumn leaves lie thick and still
O’er land that is lost now
Which those so dearly held
And stood against him
Proud Edward’s army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again
Those days are passed now
And in the past they must remain
But we can still rise now
And be the nation again
And stood against him
Proud Edward’s army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again

Well that told us. For evening games, Murrayfield is a fantastic place to be with darkness, mist and pipers, but nothing will make you feel like you’ve walked into a bizarre version of Brigadoon like second-in-command anthem Scotland the Brave

France

Probably the anthem that has the most pomp, ceremony and frankly danceability is La Marseillaise, it’s also the most bloodthirsty by a country mile. Check it out:

How It’s Sung What they’re on about
Allons enfants de la Patrie
Le jour de gloire est arrivé.
Contre nous, de la tyrannie,
L’étandard sanglant est levé,
l’étandard sanglant est levé,
Entendez-vous, dans la compagnes.
Mugir ces farouches soldats
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Egorger vos fils,
vos compagnes.Aux armes citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons,
Marchons, marchons!
Qu’un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons
Arise children of the fatherland
The day of glory has arrived
Against us tyranny’s
Bloody standard is raised
Listen to the sound in the fields
The howling of these fearsome soldiers
They are coming into our midst
To cut the throats of your sons and consortsTo arms citizens
Form your battalions

March, march
Let impure blood
Water our furrows

The Les bleus faithful, bizarrely, occasionally whip out a bit of the olde Edith Piaf with a rousing chorus of Je Ne Regrette De Rien. Oddly, they don’t sing that when they’re losing… other than that you can expect many calls of ‘ALLEZ!!’ as if people’s lives depend on it. Come on guys, put your lungs in it!

Italy

We’ll be honest, the lyrics to The Song of the Italians scare the bejeesus out of us and once we found out what they were singing about we understood why a lot of the Azzurri look like they’re about to cry as they line up like here (which also features the dulcet tones of friends of the site Eschoir):

How It’s Sung What they’re on about
Fratelli d’Italia,l’Italia s’è desta, dell’elmo di Scipio

s’è cinta la testa.

Dov’è la Vittoria?

Le porga la chioma,

ché schiava di Roma

Iddio la creò.

CORO:

Stringiamci a coorte,

siam pronti alla morte.

Siam pronti alla morte,

l’Italia chiamò.

Stringiamci a coorte,

siam pronti alla morte.

Siam pronti alla morte,

l’Italia chiamò!

Brothers of Italy,Italy has awoken, with Scipio‘s helmet

binding her head.

Where is victory?

Let her bow down,

For God has made her

Rome’s slave.

CHORUS:

Let us join in a cohort,

We are ready to die

We are ready to die,

Italy has called.

Let us join in a cohort,

We are ready to die.

We are ready to die,

Italy has called!

Ready to die they may be, but as soon as that emotional moment is over they get on with it and… keep the pipes closed we’re afraid. We’ve tried getting inside information from Genuine Italian People but the consensus was, as soon as the anthem’s over, cheering’s the best you’re going to get.

We’re going to have to try and sort that. In the meantime, we’ll join the Bergamascos for a singsong of this:

Words by Lauren, except where they were ancient and/or anthemic

 

Six Nations Countdown Part One: The Teams, Their Chances, and The Key Players January 31, 2011

With just a few days to go before our favourite time of year begins, all the best rugby sites are turning their eyes to picks and predictions for the next 2 months and we… are going to have a go as well.

Our countdown starts today with a look at what actually might happen, and who might cause it, but over the next few days you can expect our guides to what to eat, drink and sing as well as anything else we can think of to help your Six Nations go with a swing no matter what goes on on the grass….

Over the last few years we’ve had something of a glut of Grand Slams, to the point where it was almost getting boring, with the clear favourites each year eventually trying to get the silverware back through customs once the champagne wears off the critic’s job has been an easy one.

This year, however, all bets are off. All Six of our fair Nations are either in a distinct state of flux or could make a Grand Slam winning team out of their injuries list alone so here’s our guide to each nation’s chances…

France

 

picture courtesy of Ladbrokes, Les bleus

Last year's winners, Les bleus

 

2010’s Grand Slam winners France are not, as last year, coming into the competition with the trophy practically in the bag as they did then. The prime example of a team in flux, Les Bleus have had a very odd 12 months with a form so mixed that at times it looked like they were trying to make a marble cake. With a team that changes more often than the trends in the Champs-Élysées, whoever turns up on the day can make all the difference between Grand Slam and Wooden Spoon and to be honest, nobody can really tell what the pants they’re going to do.

Crucial Injuries List: In a squad as fluid as France at the moment… we can’t keep up 😉

Ones to Watch: Chabal, as ever.

One to perv on: Morgan Parra, Scrummy Scrum Half.

England

 

A sweeeeet chariot, yesterday.

 

After last Autumn’s valliant efforts against the Southern Hemisphere tourists, this year the sweet chariot is rolling into the tournament as marginal bookies favourites,  with the fans and players whispering about a New English Resurgence. We can’t help but wonder if these rumblings might be right, but one thing is for sure their injuries list at the moment tells a sorry tale as many of those who shone brightest in the autumn are in rehab while we await the arrival of spring so while it’s likely we’ll see the boys in white go top three,  we’re not-so-secretly think they’re holding off their big hits until they get to New Zealand in September.

Crucial Injuries List: Tom Croft, Courtney Lawes, Lewis Moody

Ones to Watch: Ben Youngs, who has been putting in some spectacular performances, Chris Ashton, in case he pulls another bit of magic out of the bag.

One to perv on: Simon Shaw, because if I say anyone else Anna will hit me.

Wales

 

picture from the ledge that is Huw Evans

Happier times...

 

Oh, Wales, what happened love? Grand Slam glory to abject misery in the space of two years was never the plan. Do you need some hot sweet tea?

Seven Losses in the last ten games and apparent unrest behind the scenes has left the bread of heaven far from risen and even the other six nations are hoping they’re going to get their mojo back soon, as a misfiring Wales is like a disturbance in the Force. That’s not to say, however, that there haven’t been some fantastic moments of genius flowing around, it’s just that somehow it’s not being converted to the points board as clumsyness and a lack of focus seem to hit at all the wrong moments.

It’s been argued in the past that they lack strength in depth but that’s not strictly true, in certain positions there are young guns emerging that may be the key to not only creating some drama, but providing some much needed security that was lacking last year and unfray those edges that needed tidying.

With talismanic winger Shane Williams back just in time to dance past the opposition, green shoots of hope are starting to peek through the snow and with the back five of the pack in particular looking fierce whatever combination takes the field, we’re quietly confident that Wales can raise their game in time to get some pre-world cup momentum going.  We hope.

Crucial Injuries List: Gethin Jenkins, Adam Jones with rising question marks over Leigh Halfpenny.  Also missing Richie Rees due to Dylan Hartleygate

Ones to Watch: Bradley Davies, Ryan Jones, two great players in particularly fine form at present.

One to perv on: Alun Wyn Jones, Strong, fierce, lovely.

Ireland

 

The Duck Wrangler's certainly excited...

 

Ireland, like France and Wales are in a bit of a flux phase at the moment. We’d hope that it’s about priming for the World cup but on the evidence so far it’s hard to say. After their grand slam in 2009 they’ve continued to play expansive, clinical rugby but that x factor we saw two years ago seems to come and go with the direction of the wind. With two of their biggest influencing players on the injury list, it’s hard to see Ireland lifting the trophy, but with the right conditions, it’s hard to see them doing anything less.

Crucial Injuries List: Tommy Bowe, Jamie Heaslip

Ones to Watch: Jonny Sexton, who’s rapidly becoming the go-to 10

One to perv on: Brian O’Driscoll, legend, point scorer, fox.

Italy

They are ready to die. Well, Mirco is, Mauro says 'BRB'...

Italy, who seem to come out of the traps fighting every year then spend the rest of the time scrabbling around in the dust to avoid the wooden spoon, are actually one of the more stable squads this year. With few noteable casualties and the increased influence on home growing new talent in the two new Magners League sides, we could well be faced with an Italy very much on the ascendancy.

However, after just five months  those two new sides have yet to mature, so though we may come to see vast improvements this tournament, next year we may all be watching our backs, the Azzurri are coming.

Crucial Injuries List: Mauro Bergamasco, Craig Gower

Ones to Watch: The Big Man Parisse. He’s back, baby.

One to perv on: Mirco Bergamasco, though you may have trouble recognising him fully clothed.

Scotland

 

Pic  courtesy of the Telegraph

Richie Gray and Max Evans warm up

 

Let’s be honest, Scotland have had an abysmal few years in this competition, seemingly battling it out with Italy over the wooden spoon year in year out but this year it all feels a little different. With no noteable injuries, some fantastic results in the autumn internationals and the sheer power of Dan Parks’ boot, the Scotland going into the competition this year are something new, something dark, something exciting. I’m going out on a limb and putting Scotland in the top two come the end. I may be wrong, I may be right but I think it’s going to be very interesting finding out.

Ones to Watch: Richie Gray, if only because he’s so massive you can’t see past him

One to perv on: Max Evans, well he’s lovely isn’t he?

Words by Lauren