Need a hand with your festive ribbons and bows? These boys might be able to help.
Adventpilez 2010 – December 7: Christmas Wrapping… December 7, 2010
Newspilez: 10th November 2010 November 10, 2010
Hopefully you’ve noticed that we’ve been away for, er, ages… but now that life and technology are not barring our path to bringing you our unique perspective on the latest Rugby news… and the stuff we missed… we’re back!
Saracens have won the most headlines during our absence, not only did they put everyone out of their misery and sign up twinkletoes from the Ospreys and have their coach Brendan Vetner hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons *again* by getting charged for misconduct, but they also pulled off one of the most bizarre publicity stunts ever in rugby. And we’re talking about a sport that in the last year has had five of Bath in a bed with a bevy of teddy bears, Cappucino-making-bin-collecting Ospreys and, well, Stade Francais. Earlier today Britain’s rugby press were summoned to Suburban London’s Mill Hill to be told that from next season, the boys in black with red smudges will be playing in what will be the only Premiership venue with an honest-to-goodness Tube Station serving it… on a pretend pitch.
Further reports have suggested that despite the media circus called the likelyhood of this actually happening is slim, no planning permission has been granted to make the Barnet Copthall Stadium Premiership-ready and as the London Borough Of Barnet are not the most sympathetic council in the world, topped with the fact that the same space has been denied planning permissio due to neighbour pressure before – it’s not looking all that promising. Though we suspect the fallout will be entertaining to say the least.
Over in Bath, the Blue Black & Whites have been having a bit of a rocky season so far, with some fantastic wins among a spate of gutting losses but with the LV= finally up and running they seem to be getting back on track.
Across the border in Wales, our beloved Ospreys haven’t been doing much better after getting out of the traps a lot slower than the rest of their Magners league colleagues due to injury and the fall-out of Summer International duty, they seem to have fallen foul to a horrible repeat of last year’s season start in which they have played fabulously… for about fifteen minutes a week. Here’s hoping they get back on track once the Magners League kicks in again at the end of November and they can climb back up from their currently depressing 8th position on the League table.
But they did beat London Irish in the first round of the Heiniken cup, so we know their winning ways are in there somewhere…
Their neighbours over the bridge in Llanelli, however have been this season’s surprise. After a disappointing 09-10 season, the Scarlets are currently nestling at 2nd in the table with a measly 4 points separating them from perennial leaders Munster.
Of course, the most compelling stories at the moment are coming from the Autumn Internationals which kicked off in fine style last weekend with a colder, damper version of Super Saturday. Sadly, all thre ehome nations fell short of beating their visitors by margins so similar as to make us wonder if 10 points is a fully accurate indicator of how much better the Southern Hemisphere is currently performing against the North. England, Ireland and Wales all put in valliant efforts and in some areas were clearly the better teams (need we even bring up the paucity of the Australian scrum?) but one thing is for sure, all the respective skippers and coaches need to be taking some serious lessons from this round of internationals if we want to see any of our beloved home nations anywhere near the Webb Ellis cup next year.
Sadly though, it’s not been the standard of play, the champs and chumps, overuse of the term ‘strength in depth’, the citings or even Movember progress that’s been taking up the most column inches this time around as the attendances/ticket pricing debate has been the issue that’s stolen everyone’s attention. Twickenham had 10,000 empty seats, The Millenium Stadium an almost unheard of 20,000 which already captured people’s attention, but it was Ireland who stole the show, no-show wise, with their brand spanking new home stadium opening with around a third of the tickets languishing in the box office. Clearly the respective unions and venues have gotten something (and by something we mean the sheer amount of cold hard cash requred to get through the turnstile) wrong in these recession scarred times, either that or it’s just too bloody cold but it’s clear something needs to be done to rally the troups and get bottoms rising from seats as the Northern Hemisphere get their proverbial act in gear. Too optimistic? Probably.
In more hormonal news, it’s calander (sic) season so let us know which you’re buying and which you’ll be hiding down the back of the sofa if you find it in your stocking come December. Here’s some sneak previews:
The Manpilez Lexicon August 30, 2010
If it sometimes seems as though we’re speaking a different language, it’s probably because we are. The rest of the time, it’s just our own special brand of madness…
Note: this page will be updated regularly with any new Pilezspeak so keep clicking!
Ellie’s own personal understanding of the face of Andy Powell.
Because one ludicrous jawline-related nickname wasn’t enough for Quagmire. I mean The Big Doc. I mean Doctor Jamie. No, really, I mean Jamie Roberts. The Nickname Magnet.
Big Man, The
Sergio Parrise isn’t the biggest man, but he is a big man. That’s all you need to know.
This doesn’t really need explaining. Especially if you’re Irish.
An exclamation of Ospreylian origin, generally used with little discretion but with maximum intent.
Genuine Wales-speak. An affectionate hug.
Dieux du Stade, a rugby nudey calendar hiding behind a thin monochrome veil of high art. The brainchild of Uncle Gigi, Stade Francais’ finest and guests have been getting their kit off for a decade all in the name of effective time keeping. God bless you, boys.
Duck Wrangler, The
Of all the mental things Donncha O’Callaghan has ever done, luring a bevy of ducks into a hotel conference suite with a packet of Corn Flakes, merely for shits and giggles, is our favourite. Never stop being you, Donners.
Riki Flutey. It’s best not to overthink them, sometimes.
Gigi (see also: Uncle Gigi)
Max Guazzini, teak entrepreneur and impressario. Max is the wonderful madman who is responsible for the outlandishly migraine-inducing kits, naked calendars, bizarre publicity stunts and balls-to-the-wall insanity that is Stade Francais. He is Anna’s personal hero.
Genuine fangirl-speak. An especially enthusiastic hug, usually pounce-based.
See fig. a
The act of sustaining a consecutive long-term injury. Said injury may or may not result in the growth of a mullet and production of low budget video interviews with team mates.
There has been much debate (between the four of us, that is) over the one true definition of a manpile. The term was originated by our own Kerrie, who broke down the ancient ritual of rugby thus: “Run, run, run, run, manpile!”. In it’s simplest form, therefore, a manpile is an adequate description of a ruck.
However, given the tendency for rugby boys to be a bit huggy in general, the term has evolved to encompass the kind of victorious group glomp illustrated in fig. b
The manpile is an internationl phenomenon:
Never seen The Day Today? Shame on you.
A chain of Portugese chicken restaurants of South African origin which the average rugby player appears to think about/talk about/visit approximately seven million times a week. If Nando’s were to ever fall, rugby would surely follow.
Another cruel nickname, this came about when Lee Byrne started to encourage the people of South Wales to exchange their unwanted gold for cash money. We love you, Byrney.
Pie Man, The
In 2009, a false pastry idol modelled in the (alleged) likeness of legendary Welsh winger Shane Williams went on tour and caused Lauren to suffer a near-fatal fit of giggles. This article went to great pains to differentiate between Shane (pie) and Shane (man). Thus, a nickname was born.
At the time of writing, the pie was thought to have fired its band and abandoned a tour of North America in favour of a coke-fuelled bender in Paraguay with half a dozen former Whitesnake groupies. The man remains a tiny rugby genius.
An annoying Heat magazine-style portmanteau for Ryan Jones. Don’t look at me like that. We are girls, in case you’d forgotten.
Jones, that is. Come on, he’s a superhero and you know it. He also has a smile that could melt the hearts of a thousand misers and bastards.
Words by the team, explanations by Anna